dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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