the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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