they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
