My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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