I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
