absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
