What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
