see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
