It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
