I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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