4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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