Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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