Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
