Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
