If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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