She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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