Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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