no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
