Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
