why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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