her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize