I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
