I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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