i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
