she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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