the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
