I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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