I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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