How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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