She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
