Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
