She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
