captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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