She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
