I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
