How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
