I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
