It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
