Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
