I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
