I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
