first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
