My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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