he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
