i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
