I cannot find my penis.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
