Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
