I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
