Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
