its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
